On this day, the 16th of September, 2005… I moved to NYC for a new life. I didn’t just move across the country, I intentionally wanted to let go of an identity of who I thought I was. At the time, I was a thirty-year old who dreamed of becoming a successful singer/songwriter who hid behind a comfortable corporate job. Moving to NYC meant I would do it differently. I would follow that starving artist trope until I “made it.”
I said I would never go back to a corporate job because that’s what all the behind-the-music specials told me was the recipe for success, “leap & the net will appear!”
Two years into my new life, and I wasn’t prepared for the nagging voice in my head to pressure me with, “why haven’t you made it?” “You’re too old…not talented enough…etc.
So I went back to a corporate job. And how grateful I am to have had that option. Oh, believe me, I felt like a failure but I didn’t let that (temporary) feeling stop me from remaining curious.
And that’s when life got really messy (I mean, good). It was in those deep, dark moments of despair that I started asking more empowering questions. What if this is happening for me? What if I’m meant for something I don’t even know yet? I was ready to live in that space of uncertainty.
My Ego had a dream of becoming a successful singer/songwriter. And that’s a beautiful thing because I answered the call. I didn’t just dream it, I took action towards it. That dream fed me until I could no longer sustain needing someone else/society to tell me if I was worthy.
But my Soul had a bigger dream: to let go of the identity of who I thought I was so I can become who I really am. And that meant learning I am already worthy and enough and loved.
We came to discover who we really are through our conditions, our relationships, our lives. When we can use the Ego as a tool for our expansion, we find the peace we’re really after.
Experience teaches, not words and certainly not behind-the-music specials 😜.